Degrees of Darkness

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This is a story of how what is true became untrue; real became unreal; and dark became light.  This is my story.  Hear it if you will.

We live how we have always lived, in the way of those who came before us, in the same way since memory began.

Our people are not many but we are still more than a few.  Perhaps several hundred in our clan alone and there are others.  We keep mostly to ourselves.  This is the way of our people, the way of all those before us.  It keeps us safe.

We live in the Deep, where we hunt and gather for our needs.  Sometimes we trade with other clans.  But mostly, we remain alone.

My people have always lived in the Deep.   It is fertile and provides us with food and water, and its folds and rifts keep us safe in the Dark.  Outside, ringing the Deep on all sides, waits the Bright.  The Bright is evil.  It is inhabited by ghosts and shades and no living thing can survive there.  The Bright has advanced to the edge of the Deep, surrounded it, lurking patiently there for any poor soul foolhardy enough to venture out.  The Bright has tried many times to invade the Deep, sending its scouts in search of us.  But the Deep always fights back, sending its Darkness to chase away the Bright.

I have seen what happens when you go out into the Bright.  Once, long ago when I was still a child, some of our clan left the Dark's sheltering depths and went out beyond.  I don't know why they went, I was only a child and no-one told me.  Only one came back, one who had been part of several.  He stumbled home, barely alive, and I did not recognise him at first.  His skin was aflame and blistered and his eyes were sightless.  His mind had turned and he shrieked and babbled of things unspoken as our best healers tried to tend to him.  But he Passed, as all must Pass in their time, and his body was placed at the edge of the Deep to be claimed back by the Bright that had killed him.

Many in our clan have seen and heard the shades that inhabit the Bright, though we do not talk of it.  If you venture to the edge of the Deep you can often hear them.  They call to us, promising us many things.  They try to trick us.  They say they are people like us, but I know this is not true.  I know this because sometimes people of our clan who have Passed are among the shades.  I know they must be shades because I have seen their bodies, these people I knew.  Once they had Passed, they were taken by our Elders and placed at the edge of the Deep, as is the custom of our clan.  A little later, the bodies were gone.  And a little later again, their shades appear in the Bright to taunt and torment us, their wailing cries echoing from the rim of the Deep, trying to find us, beseeching us to join them.  This does not happen with all who have Passed, but it does happen.  I have seen it.

I am the daughter of the Headman of our clan and I am soon to be joined to a young man of my own choosing.  In this time before our Joining, I am allowed to walk with my Intended, to spend time with him alone.  If we are not agreeable, I am permitted to decline him, but I do not think that I will do so.  He is very pleasing to me, tall and strong, and he will be a good mate.  In time, he may be Headman after my father's Passing.

We walk every day, after our chores are done.  We like to be alone.  Today we walk along a path that we have not walked before.  It is steep and recent rains have made it slippery.  But we do not care, we are happy in each others company and talk of our coming Joining.

My foot finds a loose piece of rock and I fall.  The ground is slick and treacherous and gives way; I tumble and tumble, down the slope, towards the edge of the Deep, towards the Bright.  I cry out in fear, calling to my Intended.  But he cannot reach me.  I see him, his face wide with fright, stopped on the path, calling my name.  And still I tumble, down, down, down.

Into the Bright.  And I no longer think of my Intended, but of the pain.  Only pain.  The Bright touches my arm, my face, my still tumbling body.  I feel my skin turn to fire.  My eyes are seared out and I cannot see.  It is better not to see, there is only the pain.  And then the pain stops.

When I awaken, I have Passed.  I know I have Passed, for there are shades around me.  They talk to me, telling me things, but I do not believe them.  I know what is true.  I remember the ways of my people and I will not be misled.

First one talks, then another.  I will not listen to them.  They shake their heads and say that I am stubborn, but in time I will see.  I don't think so.  I know what is right.

They bring others to me, shades of people I once knew, shades who when living were once in my clan.  These tell me the same things as the others.  That I am not Passed but alive.  That I was sick, injured, but their doctors have made me well again.  They tell me lies, more lies, only lies.  They call the Deep a 'valley', and say that my people are mutants.  They call us 'albinos' and say that we are affected by something called 'sunlight'.  Untrue!  The Bright is evil, I know this.  They tell me that I am all right now, that I am safe, but that I cannot return to the Deep as I now carry something called a 'virus', which is harmful to my kind.  Again a lie.  I know I cannot return, I accept this, but it is because I am a ghost, a shade, not fit to walk among my people.  They say they have altered my skin, my eyes.  They say I can walk in the Bright now, that it will no longer hurt me.  For once they are telling the truth.  The Bright cannot hurt me, for nothing can hurt those who have Passed.  I know what I am, and who I have been.  Their lies cannot touch me.

And so I walk in the Bright every day.  I walk among the shades, smile at them, pretending to believe their lies.  I wait until the end of the day, when Dark comes even to the Bright, and then I go to the edge of the Deep.

I stand on the edge of the Deep, yearning to enter its forbidden safety.  I mourn those whom I have lost, and who have lost me.  I cry for my Intended, my family, my forsaken future.  And my cries and wails echo down the Deep, lost and forlorn, as have the cries of all shades gone before me.

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